Chasing Stars

A few years ago, my family and I were visiting our parents in India. My increasing birthdays have made me appreciate them more and more. I feel there is so much I can still learn from him.

Sitting down with them, I was telling them about my friends I was in touch with, and asking them about ones I was not (and they were). The conversation went on to what everyone is doing and I made a comment “I wonder if I will ever be successful like him or her”.

My father smiled, and in his wisdom-drenched voice, asked me, “How do you define success?” I was quick to reply and pointed to him how successful they were in their career. He smiled and asked, “And?”. I immediately knew the class is in session with Mr. retired Professor. Here is a bit of paraphrasing of what he taught me that day.

He started with what his father, whom he called “Bhaiya ji” fondly, used to say.
He said that “Bhaiya ji” would say that the greatest gift a person gets is being able to wake up in the morning because that is another day they are alive. So have gratitude for that. There are some who never wake up. 

Even more blessed are those who have good health. If you are healthy, can get up, walk around, be thankful. There are many who cannot do that. 

If you have two hands, be even more grateful, for you can earn your living with those two hands. There are some who will love to be in your position. 

Blessed are those who can earn for themselves and even more blessed are the ones who can ear for their families and provide for them.

And the most blessed are the ones who wake up, are healthy, can earn living for their loved ones and most of all can help others. Only a few can do that – not because they are not capable, but they do not have the courage to do so.

I was patiently listening to him. Then he asked the question, “What is this success you talk about? Money? Fame? Position? Power?”
He paused. “For what? Look closer at everyone who you consider successful, you will see that it is not that picture-perfect you make it to be. If they are successful in their career, their personal lives suffer. If they are successful in their personal lives, their career suffer. If they are doing it all, they themselves suffer, personally, health-wise. What good is success in one area when you cannot manage other aspects of your life?”

By this time, I knew it was time to just listen and collect these pearls of wisdom.

“In your life, you will have to manage your relationships, kids, yourself, career, relatives, friends. If you put more energy into one, others will get affected. If you try to do it all, you, yourself will be affected. You have to balance. Sometimes when you do everything, even then, life throws a googly (cricketing term for the uninitiated, it means a curveball). The western world calls it work-life balance. Try to give everyone the time they deserve, and be grateful for what you have and where you are. You want happiness, go help someone, that is the happiness that nothing else will  bring. And don’t stress about folks around you; you are plenty successful. Indians believe in destiny and no one can take that from you”.

“Go be a world for someone than being no one to the whole world.
And never lose yourself chasing the stars, be grateful about seeing them tonight. They will come back for you the next night”.


JPS Nagi
April 17, 2021

A Father’s Day

On August 16, 1992, my father helped me initiate the next phase of my journey in life.

It was my birthday, and we were traveling from Amritsar to Chandigarh with my cousin, Jasjeet, and his dad. I bid farewell to my mother and got in the car. The monsoon season in north India our journey wet throughout. I remember excited to be going somewhere new, a bit afraid to be away from folks I have lived with thus far. A month earlier, my father had helped me decide to go to PEC, Chandigarh instead of Delhi where Delhi College of Engineering had a “drug problem” as he put it.

As we reached my engineering school that would be my home for the next 4 years, our fathers helped us settle to our assigned room – room #238. I heard a lot of commotion and stepped out in the corridor. All the rooms were being filled in, some boys had parents with them, others on their own. I met a skinny guy next door, with his parents. That was Ajju. Further down there were three boys from Bathinda – Pompy, Numi, and Deepu.

Then, I realized, my father wasn’t around. As we locked the door and walked downstairs, I saw my dad standing half-way in a door, of a small room. As I walked closer, I realized it was the hostel warden. I saw my dad was tipping him (a practice fairly common in India, at least back then). He saw me and introduced me to the warden, who said, “Don’t worry, son. You will be fine”. Then he walked to another room down the hall, which was labeled “Phone room”. A short guy was sitting next to the landline (we didn’t have cell phones back then), our phone attendant. He asked him the hours when he is on duty, noted them on a piece of paper, placed it in his pocket, and tipped him too.

A couple of hours later, both my cousin’s dad and my father were ready to leave to travel back home. My dad gave me a hug and told me that he will call me every day when I return to the hostel after my classes. All I said with teary eyes was “OK”.

28 years later, as I am writing this, I have to say, he has kept his promise. My father (and my mother) have called me every day since, wherever I am in the world. I cannot recall a single day that they haven’t tried to reach me. The cell phones (and my family) have made it easier to find me. They still call me.

Now, I am in the same stage in life when my daughter is getting ready to embark on a similar journey of her life. And I hope I can do the same.

Happy Father’s Day, indeed.


JPS Nagi
June 21, 2020

The Parable of a Wise Man

Long time back, two brothers came to a wise man to get their dispute resolved. The wise man, being wise, asked each of them to relate their story individually and asked the other to keep quiet when one was speaking. The elder brother started, “Our father was a crook and a thief”. The other nodded at his brothers statement, but kept quiet. The wise man asked the elder brother to explain his statement.

He continued, “We were a poor family when we were growing up. Our father worked in a train and locomotive workshop. After his shift was over, our father would take pieces of scrap metal like copper, brass, steel etc and bring them home by hiding them in his lunch box”.
The younger brother, kept quiet but he nodded at the right statements, showing his agreement to what his elder brother was saying.
“The metal that our father brought home, was sometimes sold to buy food, clothes or other things for the family”, elder brother said.
“Over time, some extra pieces of metal started accumulating in one of the old rooms downstairs. And by the time our father retired, the room was half full of scrap metal which was worth a fortune – close to hundred thousand rupees. Our father died few months back and we now have a dispute on division of the scrap metal. We would like you to help us”.

The wise man looked at the younger brother and asked if he had anything to add to his brothers statement.
The younger brother said, “Nothing much, except that we would really like this to get resolved soon”.

After much thinking, the wise man told them that it is up to them to do what they want.
“The best option in my opinion”, he said, “is to peacefully divide it equally between themselves. Or better yet, sell it all, and donate the money to a charity. Get blessings of people”.
The wise man further suggested to the brothers that that can involve a person who can evaluate the worth of the metal, and then also help them by selling it for them.
“Or just divide on, faith. Even if one brother gets a bigger chunk, remember that it is still in the family, his own blood. Do not worry about the money”.

The two brothers left and the wise man went deep into thought. After recollecting his thoughts for few minutes, he stood up as if made his mind about something and walked away. And he never met those two brothers again.

Now, if you are with me so far, then this parable may sound incomplete.
I will complete it for you. This incident actually occurred circa 1977, and it deeply moved the wise man. Years later, when the wise man’s son grew up, he told him what decision he made that day.

He told his son, “The two brothers started their case by stating that their father was a crook and a thief. This is the most disrespecting way in which they remembered their father. Their father’s act may be wrong, but his intentions were selfless. He killed his conscious to make sure his kids do not see the hardships he has seen. The hardship of unclothed during the dry winters, the hardship of sleeping on empty stomach, the hardship of walking barefoot on streets.”

“That day, my son, I made up my mind that I want you to remember me in good light and never feel ashamed of my actions. I decided that through my actions, I will make sure that when my son remembers me, his head is held high in pride and respect for me. I also made another decision that I will earn my living with utter honesty. And will make sure that not even a single penny be spent on my son which I have not earned by working honestly for it. My actions and my life should never be cause of shame to my descendants. Through my actions, I want you to remember me with pride that I am your father and you are my son”.

Allow me to add another twist to the story. The wise man I am referring to is my father (yes … I think he is very wise). Of course, you may have figured out, it was me to whom he said these things.
Who were the two brothers, you ask; well, I will keep that to myself.

Every time I think about this incident and look back, I am filled with pride and respect for the person (my dad) about the decision he made and changed his entire life around me. He has always been my conscience – told me to do the right thing, whether I wanted to do it or not.

Now, I have my own kids. Every time I look at them, my heart fills with the fire that burnt in my dad’s heart back in that day in 1977. I am motivated to be like my him. Barring the teenage years of my kids (where I am expecting they would hate me anyways), I hope they feel a sense of pride in me as I do for my dad, when they grow up.

A friend once asked me, “What makes you a good parent?”
After thinking about it for few minutes, I answered, “The fear. The fear that you may fail as a good parent, makes you a good parent. Because it is the fear that makes you make an attempt to be a better parent”.

Find that special little ones in your life, give them a hug. Don’t forget to ask yourself, how will he or she remember you.

October 15, 2009

Jatinder PS Nagi